You have just stepped into the woods of the untold.
There are many secrets awaiting for you to find out...
Just ask the keeper...
the keeper
# jun huang
# 20 yrs old
# Nyp graduate (YEA!!!)
# 17 May 1987
loves
# play billard
# watch movies
# day dreamin
# online
wishlist
:: earn lots of money $$ ::
:: new shoes ::
:: crumpler bag ::
:: new closet ::
fellow keepers
:: xue yi ::
:: aiqing ::
:: huici ::
:: anniiii ::
archives
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
November 2005
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
February 2008
May 2008
October 2008
8 more months. I should be happy, at least i have completed more then half of the journey.
But y does it gets harder every single day? Im losing it. I wan to get out of that place. I tot life would be easier after i get a higher rank. But no, it onli means more shit.
I hate myself for not meeting the expectations. Maybe its fear of doing it. I just dun wish to go through that feeling again. wat am i suspose to do?
If onli u were there. at least i wont feel so lonely =..(
Its a long lost feeling and something which i really miss a lot. You onli get one chance in life and once u miss it u wont be able to recover it.
School days were busy but fun. clubbing days were tiring but unforgettable. I dun ask for a chance to go back to the past, its impossible. Its all about keeping and preserving what u had in the past and not losing it. its something which im forgetting slowly.
mayb its about this society. its too cruel already. At different stages of life people around u will move on. i hate changes and if possible i would wants things to remain the way it use to be. Yes its a foolish thought.
NS made me feel like a change man. i learn one thing in camp, if u cant change people around u, join them. its all about survival in this society rite? im so afraid one day i wont be able to recognize myself.
i need a life, i need to move on its been way too long already. im already lagging behind!
It has never been a matter of how hard u try if its yours then it will be. Finally im starting to understand and accept this fact.
I was so close to passing the test. Just one last checkpoint and i fail to find it.
But at the end of the day i can still tell everyone i have tried my best.
Camp is not that bad after all. im learning new things everyday about life and etc. i now believe that its onli when u are going through tough times then u will see who are your real buddies, and i have certainly found mine. without them i would have never made it =)
Just gotta hang on, at least i have survive the trainee life.
sometimes staying happy means lying to yourself even if u know its impossible.
I want it so badly until i made a fool out of myself. No more stunts from this moment. im going to think carefully with my head this time. not the heart.
The best i can do for you is to give u a smile. Dun ask me how i do it. i just feel that its the right thing to do. This will be the last thing i give to u.
Its all my fault. i should have been more sensible, making u feel bad is the last thing in my head. I deserve to be shot =(
I must admit one thing. Im old. when was the last time i club? My legs almost cramp while on the dance floor. Wth.
But still all the RnB brings back memories.
Every step i take just gets heavier and heavier. i wonder how long i can take all these shit.
Maybe im wasting ur time. Or Maybe its the other way round. I dun know.
Pls understand that my time is precious. I make effort to meet u even though im f**king shagged from training all the way till sat morning. and all i get from u is ur yawns.
how did i end up like this? seriously all is just a big mistake. we r communicating on different channels if u notice. i hate to admit it, but i really tried tuning to ur frequency but its just not working out =(
all i ever wanted was someone who understands and encourage me whenever i book out from camp. but u just live in ur own dreamland.
im caught in between. Giving up now and telling u all these is just so irresponsible but at the same time i feel that we r just wasting our time with each other.
im such a bastard =( seriously i dun blame u for being who u r. mayb u just need some time to grow more mature.
its just that i feel like slapping myself whenever im with u and yet thinking of someone else. =(
wtf is wrong with me anyway =..( some one pls save me and give me a solution. hurting u is the last thing in my head.
I miss school =(
I miss my brothers =(
I miss sweating and swearing at copthorne everyday =(
I miss clubbing days where i puke and curse every wed nite =(
basically i miss everything before NS. almost a month at tekong already and im still not use to it.
and guess wat im dragging my ass back to tekong is like less then 24 hours.
Im starting to understand and accept the fact y u never accept me. The age gap will always be there no matter how hard i try. Its something which i can never change =(
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