My Life

2008-10-05T18:43:00.005+08:00

8 more months. I should be happy, at least i have completed more then half of the journey.
But y does it gets harder every single day? Im losing it. I wan to get out of that place. I tot life would be easier after i get a higher rank. But no, it onli means more shit.
I hate myself for not meeting the expectations. Maybe its fear of doing it. I just dun wish to go through that feeling again. wat am i suspose to do?

If onli u were there. at least i wont feel so lonely =..(

2008-05-08T13:49:00.002+08:00

Its a long lost feeling and something which i really miss a lot. You onli get one chance in life and once u miss it u wont be able to recover it.

School days were busy but fun. clubbing days were tiring but unforgettable. I dun ask for a chance to go back to the past, its impossible. Its all about keeping and preserving what u had in the past and not losing it. its something which im forgetting slowly.

mayb its about this society. its too cruel already. At different stages of life people around u will move on. i hate changes and if possible i would wants things to remain the way it use to be. Yes its a foolish thought.

NS made me feel like a change man. i learn one thing in camp, if u cant change people around u, join them. its all about survival in this society rite? im so afraid one day i wont be able to recognize myself.

i need a life, i need to move on its been way too long already. im already lagging behind!

2008-02-27T01:56:00.004+08:00

It has never been a matter of how hard u try if its yours then it will be. Finally im starting to understand and accept this fact.

I was so close to passing the test. Just one last checkpoint and i fail to find it.

But at the end of the day i can still tell everyone i have tried my best.

Camp is not that bad after all. im learning new things everyday about life and etc. i now believe that its onli when u are going through tough times then u will see who are your real buddies, and i have certainly found mine. without them i would have never made it =)

Just gotta hang on, at least i have survive the trainee life.

sometimes staying happy means lying to yourself even if u know its impossible.

I want it so badly until i made a fool out of myself. No more stunts from this moment. im going to think carefully with my head this time. not the heart.

2007-08-27T16:01:00.000+08:00

The best i can do for you is to give u a smile. Dun ask me how i do it. i just feel that its the right thing to do. This will be the last thing i give to u.

Its all my fault. i should have been more sensible, making u feel bad is the last thing in my head. I deserve to be shot =(

game over =(

2007-08-26T04:26:00.000+08:00

I must admit one thing. Im old. when was the last time i club? My legs almost cramp while on the dance floor. Wth.

But still all the RnB brings back memories.

Every step i take just gets heavier and heavier. i wonder how long i can take all these shit.

2007-08-12T14:35:00.000+08:00

Maybe im wasting ur time. Or Maybe its the other way round. I dun know.

Pls understand that my time is precious. I make effort to meet u even though im f**king shagged from training all the way till sat morning. and all i get from u is ur yawns.

how did i end up like this? seriously all is just a big mistake. we r communicating on different channels if u notice. i hate to admit it, but i really tried tuning to ur frequency but its just not working out =(

all i ever wanted was someone who understands and encourage me whenever i book out from camp. but u just live in ur own dreamland.

im caught in between. Giving up now and telling u all these is just so irresponsible but at the same time i feel that we r just wasting our time with each other.

im such a bastard =( seriously i dun blame u for being who u r. mayb u just need some time to grow more mature.

its just that i feel like slapping myself whenever im with u and yet thinking of someone else. =(

wtf is wrong with me anyway =..( some one pls save me and give me a solution. hurting u is the last thing in my head.

2007-07-21T23:43:00.000+08:00

I miss school =(

I miss my brothers =(

I miss sweating and swearing at copthorne everyday =(

I miss clubbing days where i puke and curse every wed nite =(

basically i miss everything before NS. almost a month at tekong already and im still not use to it.

and guess wat im dragging my ass back to tekong is like less then 24 hours.

Im starting to understand and accept the fact y u never accept me. The age gap will always be there no matter how hard i try. Its something which i can never change =(

2007-07-07T04:17:00.000+08:00

In life there is just no room for mistakes =(

i dun even have to courage to look back. =..(

2007-07-01T11:30:00.000+08:00

F**k. i still feel a pinch inside. i hate this feeling =(

Everything just dun sound rite. it happen so suddenly im just lost for words. i dun wish to waste ur time. i dun wish to lie but i just cant simply tell u i have never let go rite?

someone pls tell me wat im doing is not wrong =..(

2007-06-15T04:12:00.000+08:00

All my bags are packed
Im ready to go
Im standin here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin
Its early morn
The taxis waitin
Hes blowin his horn
Already Im so lonesome
I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that youll wait for me
Hold me like youll never let me go
cause Im leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Theres so many times Ive let you down
So many times Ive played around
I tell you now, they dont mean a thing
Evry place I go, Ill think of you
Evry song I sing, Ill sing for you
When I come back, Ill bring your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that youll wait for me
Hold me like youll never let me go
cause Im leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time
Let me kiss you
Then close your eyes
Ill be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I wont have to leave alone
About the times, I wont have to say

Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that youll wait for me
Hold me like youll never let me go
cause Im leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

But, Im leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

hate

2007-06-08T04:09:00.001+08:00

I know u might hate me but trust me i hate myself even more =(

im just sick and tired of all those nonsense.

At the end of the day i just cant blame u for who u are. since thats the case just let it be then.

fuck up

2007-05-28T02:02:00.000+08:00

Today was HELL for me. The feeling of being kick around like a ball really sux to the core. ARGH...

They just cant make up their mind wat they wan me to do. End up i was running around whole of GCW like a idiot.

My life is so messed up now =( I need 48 hours a day to do all my things. So many things to do yet so little time.

I cant juggle my time between work and my friends. and they just cant stop complaining about me working like a slave everyday. =( y cant they just understand me a little bit more? its not like i can accomadate their timing every single day. They had to accompany their gfs i oso never complain about anything rite?

I thought that working everyday will just help me keep myself occupied with work and not think bout other stuff.. end up i just created a whole load of mess =(

mayb its really my fault that i have neglected my friends =(

Wth... im starting to feel that its much more better to be single and alone. at least no one will come and stack up more troubles for me.

Im holding back loads of things. so many things i wan to do but it feels almost like something is holding me down. or mayb im just too chicken to try. seriously im thinking too much =(

So many questions yet not even a single answers. sometimes i just even wonder who am i ? come to think of it i have really changed so much.

Its not that i cant let go. I just dun wanna let go. Things i cant forget and understand just makes me feel useleess =(

bday celebration

2007-05-18T00:23:00.000+08:00

It was the best birthday celebration i could ever ask for =)

Thou it was a simple celebration i still got a bday cake and a song, and it has been sooooo long since i last heard anyone singing me a bday song.

Really appreciate it guys i was really touched =)

Thanks to those present today i will never forget this day.

Btw i oso would like to thank aiqing, hui ci, jessica, yy, xueyi (hope i didnt leave out anyone) for the wonderful gift =) and oso aiqing for the CK boxers shorts... haha...

I dun know whether wat im doing is right or wrong =( all i know is that im letting things go bit by bit =( i just hope that the things i do to forget will not caused any troubles...

2007-04-26T01:36:00.000+08:00

This movie rocks... (mayb its because of the hot chick. LOL)

Damn fed up with work today as i was asked to go back after finishing my work. Imagining waking up 7 in the morning end up just to work for 3 hours and return home. I might as well stay at home rite!!!!

F**k GCW. If im not desperate for money I would have left the place ever since the day i started work.

oh wells...anyway im just left with a month plus to "chiong" work. Just gotta save as much as possible before my NS =(

Money, money money...

seems like money is my onli motivation in life now...

2007-04-24T22:06:00.000+08:00

YOU and YOUR beautiful lies.

=(

2007-04-21T03:46:00.000+08:00

It was damn scary.

Not fun at all.

I swear to god it will NEVER happen again...

NEVER...

NS enlistment...

2007-04-18T21:57:00.000+08:00

Finally i got to meet anniiii in town for dinner today =)

haha its been soooo long since i last saw her. well we shop around and saw this Fossil watch which caught my eye. I was still thinking whether to just get the watch or buy my crumpler bag first as i cant spend so much in a day. that bag would have cost me $175 and the watch $135. wth...that is like 1 weeks plus of my pay liao -_- end up we went Nydc for dinner before deciding which to buy first.

Dinner was nice at first but dun noe y all of a sudden an Indian boy sitting opposite us started puking!!! It was so disgusting man. the boy just puke none stop la... it was the first time i saw someone puke so much man. even drunk people (like me) sitting outside clubs oso dun puke so much. was still drinking my coffee when we just decided to settle the bill and get out of that place.. ewwww..

haha and guess wat? i bought the watch at the expense of my dad... lol... well he promise to buy me a watch de.. i never force him =)

But just before i call him to sponsor my watch i got a bad news from him =( my enlistment letter is here and im going tekong on 15th June.. annniii and i were still talking about my enlistment date when i got the call.. it was so jinx la...haha

well just take it as a training ba...to make my self tougher. but im gonna miss my brothers and "girlfriends" man. =(

But i guess im still gonna miss u the most =(

As for the remaining time left, im just going to chiong work every single day. 7 days a week 12 hours a day. Just hope that i can earn as much as possible before i go NS. and of course to get my crumpler bag.

shagged...

2007-04-18T00:09:00.000+08:00

Argh...my whole body is aching like mad =(

working for 6 day straight with an average of 11 hours each day...

I must say GCW is one damn f**king stingy hotel... y cant they just hire more staff and stop complaning about high labour cost when we as part timers are "swimming"?

whatever...just give me one chance and i will get out of that place.. job offers anyone?

But still i have to say that i have met some very nice friends at that place.. Friends that are damn lame and funny. and also friends that will always help me ta bao dinner and milk tea.. haha... Also not forgetting those fun and easy going executives. Even though the management sux i must say the people there are friendly and funny.

Come as u may, leave as u like. Pls stop treating me like some toy.

tagboard!!!!

2007-04-13T03:30:00.000+08:00

YEA!!!! haha. I finally decide to put up a tagboard after so long, and guess what? I did it all by myself. LOL.

The next thing i would like to do is add some pics in this empty blog of mine. LOL..

Damn it. Its the third day i sleep so "early". Imagine I had to toss and turn on the bed until i can even hear the birds chirping. wth.. something is wrong with me.

The best part is instead of slping, im blogging here after a day of work. Zzzzzz...

2007-04-12T02:09:00.000+08:00

Im having trouble slping nowadays.

Thinking of u really sux. Especially when im just a stranger to u. sometimes i wonder do i even exist.

Forget it... I have better things to focus on..

just bored...

2007-04-11T05:19:00.000+08:00

mike test 1,2,3

well its been months since i last update this dusty blog...guess no one will be reading this post?

never like the idea of blogging as im not a guy who's good with words. anyway lets see whats there to update..hmmmm...

oh yes finally i have graduate from NYP =) Time really flies man... it seems like it was only ytd that i just finish my "O" levels. i would say my results for the past 2 year ++ has been a total disaster. anyway just thank god that i even manage to pass for every semester as i have never really put in any efforts for all my exams =(

suddenly my future seems so blur. =( Its a scary thing i tell u when u have no idea wat lies ahead of u. all i can see is that im going NS in good knows when...

wanted to further study but come to think of the courses and uni available makes me wanna think twice..

for the time being just wan to concentrate on finding a job and work real hard and earn lots of money cos i would not wanna be a poor soldier =(

hai...all i could say is money is my onli motivation for now...just wanna forget bout all those unnecessary stuff for now...

FUCK

2005-11-17T23:58:00.000+08:00

What the F**k is wrong with u? Giving me all these kind of f**king attitude...i owe u money issit? U think u are the onli one going through a tough time? My ride this whole f**cking week wasnt a smooth one either...so for god sake brace up urself and stop giving me those stupid attitude...cos u have no idea wat shit i have been through...pls i have no wish to flare up in cheers...so pls give me a reason not to do so...the reason i walk away is not im scare of u or wat...i just wish to control my temper...pls dun test my limits... (p.s not refering to those who noe this site...)

when has it been since i last update? Anyway was too bored so started letting everything inside me get out...i need fresh air!!! If onli i could just have a break =(

Always...

2005-08-03T22:41:00.000+08:00

Have u ever missed sum1?
Have u ever missed someone and felt terrible because u think tat he/she doesn't miss u?

Missing someone is a terrible but at the same time, sweet feeling.
U will be sitting around wondering if u meant anything to him/her.
Thinking if he/she ever cares about u.

Rushing to the phone once it rings hoping that it's him/her.
Looking out of the window hoping that he/she will surprise u by appearing downstairs.

Sitting in front of the television but thinking of her missing the final episode of yourfavourite show.

Laying on your bed, thinking of the last time u went out together.

Thinking of how nice it will be to sit under the stars again, talking about everything, your dreams, plans, future.

Logging on to the internet hoping to see him/her online.

When u realise that he/she isn't onlineand did notreturn your page, u will start worrying ifhe/she isokay.

Missing someone is a way of growing up i guess.
It exposes u to loneliness.
It teaches u how to cope with being lonely and let u know that there is actually a feeling known as emptiness.
Sometimes it feels good to miss someone.
U know that u really care and u indulge in the feeling of loving/caring for him/her.
But missing someone and not knowing if he/she is feeling the same is terrible.
U feel as if u are being left alone.
So if u miss someone, tell him/her and let them know.
At the same time, ask if they miss u.

Don't let the feeling of missing someone become jealousy or paranoid.
If u are the one being missed and u know it, let the other party know.
if u miss him/her too, tell them.
Don't let them wait.

IBRC

2005-07-22T15:02:00.000+08:00

hello everyone...k la know u all miss me so come update my blog...Rite now im in biz resource with miss xue yi...keep playing the Bejewel game...Talk to me la..me now so sian...anyway dun noe y this few days have cravings for clubbing...mayb going black later cos its FREE!! haha... no money liao...GOD pls drop some money from the sky ya? Exams coming liao...must prepare myself and stop thinking bout unrelevant stuffs.. this few days oso not very happy...but no matter wat all is over liao...must look forward to the future...anyway from tomorrow onwards will work hard and at least get a pass for all my modules...good luck to everyone ya?

life sux...

2005-06-07T01:03:00.000+08:00

so bored!!! so decided to play with this bloggy thing...when was the last time i updated it? lost track le...anyway life this few weeks...hmmmm....realli stress up...i noe there are a lot of things i have to do...projects, tutorial and stuffs...hai....but just no motivation to do...think this sem gonna struggle for a pass again...this feeling sux...wonder if i could even pass my biz finance...sianzzz....life sux...sometimes realli very lonely...my life have been revolving around animation...boring rite? But if i dun keep myself occupied i could realli go mad thinking bout other stuff...i noe what i wan...but no use thinking if u dun do anything bout it rite? Anyway trying very hard to study rite now....hope that i will not waste my 2 weeks holiday coming up next...

guilty...

2005-05-18T00:57:00.000+08:00

argh!!!...feel so bad...let so many people got worry for me...thanks for all ur concern...but im ok le...realli appreciate everything...thanks for all those bday wishes oso...realli very touch...T.T...want to thank aiqing for the brownie...it was very nice...thanks...u are a great friend...and oso dorence, xueyi, heliyanto, Iris,...and many more for ur bday wishes...hope i didnt left out anyone...feel so glad to have all of u as friends...and not to forget Li Fang for the shirt...haha...but i think u wont be reading this so soon rite? Thanks Ling Fang for ur realli early morning msg...haha...glad u rememer my birthday...

mad...

2005-05-17T23:10:00.000+08:00

hai...earlier at school today i snap all of a sudden...totally lost myself...next thing i noe my hand was hurting...what happen back there? Totally no idea...just noe that i wasnt myself back there...i was another person...something is bothering me i guess...sorry to those i scare earlier...didnt mean it...u were just at the wrong place at the wrong time...hope it will not happen again...

Finally...

2005-05-10T01:49:00.000+08:00

yea...my first blog...all thanks to xue yi for helping me with the skins and stuff...thanks ar...think i own u another "ren qing" liao...haha...now still struggling with the marketing management report which is due tmr...no inspiration at all...but still have to write out something...after that still have to carry on with my EFMA tutorial...this is the fourth week liao and i have not done a single tutorial...hmmm....think thats all le...have to carry on with my assigments...until next time...

just create a blog....

2005-05-06T14:32:00.000+08:00

hihi...